Of Night Terrors and Dreams
by Liek
Summary: After a tirering day Lupin finds the boggart has escaped. One-shot. Set in Harry's third year. This story assumes that Remus and Sirius had a sexual relationship.


The light of the full moon hit him as he opened the door to his chamber, and he looked tiredly at the orb that hung in the room between the desk and the Grindylow's tank. The boggart had snuck out again.  
"I am not in the mood" Professor Lupin said tiredly. He felt emotionally drained after the quiditchmatch. Seeing Harry fly brought back too many memories of seeing James, and then there was the patronus that Harry had produced to stop the people pranking... a stag. Definitely a stag.  
The full moon brightened at his words, and despite knowing it was false, Remus could feel the first signs of transformation begin, the hairs standing up at the back of the neck, the pain of the stretching bone..  
He could not truly defeat the boggart: it was needed for Harry's lessons, and he was simply too tired, too sad now to wrestle the damned thing back. Prongs was dead. The stag may live in Harry, but the echo did remind Remus of what he had lost. Peter was dead, as well... and Pad-.. S-... Black was still at large. They'd give him the dementor's kiss. The Ministry had agreed that he could be kissed on sight and (though if there was any crime that deserved it, it was his) Remus could not help but wince at the finality of it. Of the loss of justice if a man could be sentenced to something like that, without a chance to defend or explain himself...  
"ha ha" said Remus.

The light dimmed just a little at Remus' mirthless laugh, like a cloud had shifted before the moon but Remus could still feel the beast move under his skin. He closed his eyes and pulled out the last flask of the wolfsbane potion he had left then drank it, just to be sure. He would have to ask Snape for more and explain to him he needed it because he had not felt up to facing a boggart. Great, that. Lovely. But at least he would not have to fear transforming. He was safe.  
He eyed the boggart and wondered how to best get it back into the chest it had escaped from, when the orb started to grow, to take a new shape.. Of course. With the wolfsbane-potion taken, his greatest fear was no longer the wolf..

"Please." Remus said. "Not tonight. I really.. just.. I wanted to have an early night. Cup of tea... Chocolate..."  
"You're pathetic" Sirius sneered, standing in front of him, wand in hand, Death Eater's mark on the wrist. He looked like he had in the Prophet, a skeleton with matted black hair.. eyes void of emotion.  
"I won't banish you, if you'd please just go back into the cupboard under my desk. We can coexist."

"What will you do, Remus, when I give you to my master? Will you be brave, like James was, or will you cry and beg, like Peter?" Sirius chuckled, showing yellowed teeth.. a mad glint in his eyes.  
"Just go...Let me be" Remus whispered. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, Black was closer. So close, Remus could smell him. Old sweat and grime... but underneath .. that smell he knew so well. That smell he's used to love...  
"I never loved you." Sirius said. "You know that, right? You must have sensed it as we fucked. I hated fucking you. I only did it because the Dark Lord wanted me to be close to James.. Merlin.. and I showered afterwards... I always hated the filthy smell of …."  
"Riddikulus" Remus said softly.  
Sirius looked at him as he took off the red nose to that suddenly appeared on his face "wolf." he continued, almost without missing a beat. "the filthy smell of **you**"

"No." Remus whispered. "No. Riddikulus. Ridi.. Patronum. Expecto Patron.." he did not know why he changed to that spell rather that the proper one to end a boggart. Perhaps because Harry had been using it. Perhaps because he could think of nothing funny. It did not matter. It did not work.

"You disgust me, Remus.. I wanted you to know that before..." Sirius took a wand out of his pocket. "Avada K.."  
"That's not me." The voice was soft and hoarse and it came from the shadows.  
Remus turned his head towards it.  
"That's not me. It's a lie. That's not how I feel about you at all."  
"You're a murderer" Remus whispered. "You killed Peter... you'll kill me... you betrayed us all..."  
Sirius got closer, and suddenly the earlier Sirius changed, and transformed, and it was like Remus was looking in a mirror. "You're a murderer" the other Remus repeated "You killed Peter. You'll kill me..."  
"I love you" Sirius said. He was now close enough for Remus to smell him. There was despair.. the smell of a man living rough. And underneath; that lovely smell of... "I'll always love you."  
"You can't be here." Remus whispered.  
"I am not." Sirius answered.  
"They'll kill you. They'll kiss you." He said. "I can't be seen with you. I can't love you. You're a Death Eater.. I..."  
"Hush" Sirius whispered, as the other Remus repeated his words. "I can't be seen with you.. you are..."  
"I am not really here" Sirius said with a sad smile. "It's just a dream."  
"That's a lie.." Remus whispered.

"That's a lie" The other Remus said. "I'll report you, traitor. I'll let the dementors have you. Your mother was right, you are unworthy of love. I hate you. James hated you.. your own family spat you out and we should have too.."  
"Hush" Sirius whispered again. He touched Remus now. His hand brushing through Remus' hair. As he raised his wrist, Remus noticed there wasn't a Death Eater's mark on it.  
"Is it a lie?" Remus whispered. "Is this a dream? I am so tired..."  
"Then sleep, Moony" Sirius whispered.  
"I can't. The boggart..."  
"Will be no problem. If I may borrow your wand..?"  
"Only if this is a dream. I can't trust you with a wand in real life...You'll..."  
"It's a dream," Sirius whispered. "sleep..."  
"Best dream I've had... in twelve years."

When Remus woke, he was bewildered and it was the dead of the night. Someone had screamed. Something was wrong.  
"Remus!" It was Flitwick waking him. "Remus, come quick! There was a break in! Black! In Gryffindor tower!  
"Harry?!" Remus growled.  
"No. He is fine. No one injured...come quickly, Black may be around still"

No one injured.  
The boggart was gone, and so was the dream.

It had to have been a dream. Sirius would not have been so kind and loving and then gone to murder an innocent child. It had all been a stupid lying dream. And yet, as he moved around his office, grabbing his wand from the desk, he could not help but notice that slight hidden smell, a combination of everything he'd loved.  
Parchment and fireworks, chocolate and tea, a hint of a hidden dungbomb not set off... and dog.


End file.
